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如何正确对待雅思作文的参考范文

  • 来源:朗阁教育
  • 2018-01-31 10:00:30.000
  • 编辑:朗阁海外考试研究中心 袁敏敏

如何正确对待雅思作文的参考范文

朗阁海外考试研究中心 袁敏敏

 

备考的学生分为两种:大部分选择参加上课培训,少部分是自学。对上课的学生来说,他们除了上课听老师讲解写作的解题方法和解题思路,课后也需要大量的写作练习,或者希望能有范文参考,给与自己更多的想法和素材;而自学的学生主要通过购买参考书,慢慢地领会书中的讲解,参考其中的范文并进行模仿写作。

 

不管是老师给与学生范文还是学生自己搜索范文,参考范文的来源主要有以下几种:

1) 官方的高分范文;

2) 参考书上的范文;

3) 网络参考范文;

 

学生视参考范文为‘救命稻草’,所以往往不分青红皂白地借用,而一旦脱离了范文,自己依然无从下手,主要原因是学生对范文的依赖已经远远超过自己的理解,没有正确地找到自己想要什么。在本文中,朗阁海外考试研究中心的专家们会摘录不同渠道的参考范文,通过分析让学生真正理解如何更好地利用参考范文。

 

一:官方的参考范文

官方的范文一般是考官所写,而且都是满分作文。比如:

 

In many countries, schools have severe problems with student behavior.

What do you think are the causes of this?

What solutions can you suggest?

 

本题来自剑桥4,TEST4的TASK 2,属于report题型,题目简单阐述了一个事实,即学生在学校的行为问题比较普遍,需要分析其原因,并给出相应的解决方法。在这本书的答案部分,考官提供了a od example,原文摘录如下:

 

Paragraph 1: Introduction

Poor student behavior seems to be an increasingly widespread problem and I think that modern lifestyles are probably responsible for this.

 

分析:

本段首先改述了题中的事实,所用词汇和句子结构对大部分学生来说都比较容易接受,是很好的参考内容;在表述自己观点中,考官明确提出是什么原因(modern lifestyles)导致(be responsible for在这里理解为‘导致、引起’,学生可以模仿利用这种好的短语)了学生的行为问题,这种表达观点的方式很直接,但是很多学生的概括能力还并未达到这个程度,所以不太能在introduction中可以直接表达这样的观点,大部分都会表达为:I think several reasons contribute to this phenomenon.此外,题中给出了两个问题,除了问及这个现象的理由之外,还需要给出解决方法,但考官并未在开头段中回答第二个问题。作为学生来说,他们会感到困惑,report题型的作文,在开头段中到底需不需要全部回答问题,而在平时,老师的回答都是‘需要’,所以对于这样的introduction,学生需要保持自己的写作习惯,不能完全照搬。

 

学生习作范例:

It is true that many schools are troubled by students’ behavioral problems.(简单的事实改写)There are various reasons for this phenomenon, but measures could be taken to tackle the problem(简单地回答了题中的两个问题).这样简单明了的introduction,完全可以和考官范文媲美。

 

Paragraph 2:

①In many countries, the birth rate is decreasing so that families are smaller with fewer children. ②These children are often spoilt, not in terms of love and attention because working parents do not have the time for this, but in more material ways. ③They are allowed to have whatever they want, regardless of price, and to behave as they please. ④This means that the children grow up without consideration for others and without any understanding of where their standard of living comes from.

 

分析:

整个段落由四句话构成。第一句话的表达比较简单,学生很容易接受,值得学习,但从内容上看,并不是整个段落的topic sentence,这种自由式的写作风格有违老师平时所讲的段落结构(topic sentence + explanation),因此学生会感到迷惑,也不易模仿;第二句话中在介词短语部分出现了平行结构not…, but…,这种结构读起来节奏感很强,而且能形成鲜明的对比,指出现在的父母用错误的方式宠爱孩子(以满足物质为主),往往缺少关爱和关心;第三句话依然存在并行结构,be allowed to do ……, and to do ……,进一步指出父母对孩子的放纵;最后一句话还是用and连接前后两个without,解释前面的行为所带来的后果。

 

整个段落基本以并行结构为主,值得借鉴;在内容方面,一步一步地解释了父母对孩子放纵是导致孩子行为问题的原因,学生需要理解这其中的逻辑和层层递进的联系,这也是学生平时欠缺的地方。

 

Paragraph 3:

When they get to school age they have not learnt any self-control or discipline. They have less respect for their teachers and refuse to obey school rules in the way that their parents did.

 

分析:

只有两句话,其实从本质上讲,这不能算作段落,似乎就这么没头没尾地出现在了文中。这会让学生产生很多的疑问:

1)这两句话的作用是什么?

2)论述了什么内容?

3)topic sentence是什么?

4)在写作的过程中,什么情况下可以这样论述?

等等这些问题,对并不是local English or American老师也是很大的挑战,不知该如何解释,因为这种段落悖于平常的讲解和所见,所以只能告诉学生不要去模仿这样的写法。

 

Paragraph 4:

①Teachers continually complain about this problem and measures should be taken to combat the situation. ②But I think the solution to the problem lies with the families, who need to be more aware of the future consequences of spoiling their children. ③If they could raise them to be considerate of others and to be social, responsible individuals, the whole community would benefit.

 

分析:

第一句话针对题目问题,简单做出回答,这种方式学生完全可以模仿参考;短语combat the situation可以作为同义替换加入自己的词汇库;第二句话就上面段落论述的原因给出相应的解决方法;第三句话是对前者解决方法的深度论述。

 

段落用词简单准确,句子结构也并不复杂,学生完全可以理解模仿,是很好的参考材料。

 

Paragraph 5:

Perhaps parenting classes are needed to help them to do this, and high quality nursery schools could be established that would support families more in terms of raising the next generation. The vernment should fund this kind of parental support, because this is no longer a problem for individual families, but for society as a whole.

 

分析:

就目前国内的雅思写作教学来说,可能大部分的老师都会按照相对固定的方式教学,即明确告诉学生全篇写4段或者5段:1 introduction + 2/3 body paragraphs + 1 conclusion。也就是说,不管是五段式或者是四段式作文,最后一段一定是结尾,其目的是通过对主体内容的概括和开头段的观点保持呼应,而这篇文章的结尾却是论述解决学生行为问题的方法。就段落安排来说,这是学生不可理解的地方,也是老师不推荐学生模仿的地方。

从内容来说,这里提到的解决方法特别好,同时也可以积累相关的词汇,比如parenting classes (家庭教育课程),high quality nursery schools (高质量幼儿园),raise the next generation (培养下一代),fund sth (给…提供资金),parental support (父母的支持);句子结构不难,对大部分学生都可以接受,是很好的素材。

 

二:参考书的参考范文

市面上的参考书种类很多,内容质量也参差不齐。很多学生,尤其是基础比较差的学生认为,买参考书是很必须的,但买了之后却很少看,甚至到考完依然崭新如初。问及原因,他们只是笑笑说:“太多了,来不及看,也看不下去,太难了”。

 

最近在学生中比较流行的参考书主要是两本,一本是《顾家北手把手教你写作》,另一本是《愼小嶷十天突破写作》。略略翻看了一下,两本书的风格完全不同,前者注重语法、写作细节讲解以及范文分析;后者以话题词汇为主,罗列了雅思大作文中常考话题的高频词汇以及短语,可惜的是鲜少有该高频词汇的例句,最后一小部分摘录了几篇7分的学生习作,并且又从范文中挑取了一些高分词汇。好的词汇对获得高分很重要,尤其是地道的表达方式,比如写到waste disposal,有一种方法是“焚烧”,几乎所有学生都会写“burning”,但知道“incineration”的凤毛棱角,而考官对于后者一定是眼前一亮,印象极好的。

 

从实际角度来比较这两本书,学生更希望知道如何写出一篇‘正确’的作文,包括审题的正确、论述方向和内容的合理以及句子的正确,至于用词,只要尽他们所能即可,特别是基础薄弱的学生,7分作文对大部分学生来说真的是遥不可及。当然,不同的学生有不同的需求,大家可以根据自己的实际情况挑选适合自己的参考书即可。

 

例如:

A longer prison term as a way of punishing those who break the law is not as od as other methods.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

 

范文摘选:(顾家北手把手教你写作---剑10版)

Paragraph 1: Introduction

Imposing sentences is widely accepted as a method to punish those who commit serious offences and sometimes as a correctional method. This approach may be effective, but we should also consider other ways to reform offenders.

 

分析:

Introduction部分由两句话构成,第一句话中用了is widely accepted as,表示对题中观点的改写;imposing sentences同义替换a longer prison term,commit serious offences代替break the law,a correctional method 替换od methods。总体用词比较难,学生不太想得到;句式也相对难,学生很难写得这么精准。第二句话是观点的表达。这种表达方式很值得学生模仿,因为很多学生对表达观点常常存在一个误区,认为在观点类考题中,只能表达为“agree or disagree”,其实,在理解的基础上,真正说出自己的看法就是观点。

 

例如:

Some people think that success of life is based on hard work and determination, but others think there are more important factors like money and appearance. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

在这个题中,有两个不同的观点,分别指出人生成功的不同因素(努力工作和决心、金钱和外貌)。如果学生仅仅回答agree or disagree,会让人不明白到底同意或者否定的是前者观点还是后者观点,而且对于成功,从这篇作文更好的论述出发,应该回答为:all the factors are of equal importance. 这就让所有人都很清楚你的想法是什么,而且对主体论述也有了很好的指导作用。

 

Paragraph 2:

①The prison sentence may have a deterrent effect on either prospective offenders or habitual offenders. ②Imprisonment means that those who violate laws will lose freedom, a consequence that no rational person is willing to take. ③The criminal record can have a lasting impact on their lives including their career. ④They will not commit crimes when they run out of money; instead, they will choose to find work or run a small business to earn a living. ⑤This can help create a peaceful and safe community.

 

分析:

第一句话是topic sentence,句中key words: the prison sentence是对题中a longer prison term的同义替换;表达优点的句型:have a deterrent effect on … 对…产生威慑效应,可以作为固定表达方式积累;prospective offenders是‘潜在犯罪分子’的意思,这个词有点难,学生可以替换表达为:would-be criminal, possible criminal, potential criminal;habitual offenders意为‘惯犯’,学生只要记住‘habit’的形容词形式即可。

 

第二句话中imprisonment是另一个a longer prison term的替换词,但是对很多学生来说有点难;整个句子解释a longer prison term的后果lose freedom,并且又加了一个同位语来进一步指出这种后果对人的作用,rational person也几乎不为学生所知,一般只能写many people。根据平时改作文的情况来看,学生很少写同位语的句式,而更多会选择从句,比如,这句话可以简化成:Imprisonment means that those who violate laws will lose freedom, which few people are willing to take.

 

第三句话简单明了,可以很好地借鉴这样的表达方式,比如:The criminal record犯罪记录,have a lasting impact on对…产生持续的影响。

 

第四句话和第五句话用词用句都相对简单,逻辑也很清晰,很容易接受。

 

Paragraph 3:

①While I agree that a long prison term may sometimes help us fight crime, we can consider community services as an alternative. ②These services can make some offenders, especially those who committed minor crimes, law-abiding citizens, who can learn responsibility and realize the damage caused by crimes to innocent people. ③If they are sentenced to prison, they will possibly make friends with other offenders. ④They will no repent or take stock of their lives, so they may reoffend after being released, which can pose a threat to other members of society.

 

分析:

第一句话承上启下,指出另外一种惩罚犯罪分子的方法:community services;as an alternative用得比较普遍,学生可以积累,表示‘作为另外一种选择’;

 

第二句话很长,在完整的句子(These services can make some offenders law-abiding citizens.)的基础上,用插入语(especially those who committed minor crimes)对some offenders做了特殊限定,有用从句(who can learn responsibility and realize the damage caused by crimes to innocent people)修饰law-abiding citizens。句型比较复杂,对平时写作不多的学生来说,几乎达不到这样的水平,但学生可以通过自己的理解进行简化:These services can make some offenders obey the law and learn to realize the damage caused by crimes to others.

 

第三第四句话从反面来论述送进监狱的弊端,其中第三句话比较容易,第四句话中的单词不常用,比如repent和take stock of,依然,我们可以做这样的修改:They, thus, may recommit crimes after being released, which can pose a threat to other members of society.

 

Paragraph 4:

①We can also provide educational opportunities and vocational training for them, improving their interpersonal skills. ②It is worth noting that many juvenile offenders or first-time offenders broke the law because of a lack of social experience or low socio-economic status. ③Crime is no longer an option, if they find work and understand legal responsibilities. ④The prison can isolate criminals from society, shattering their confidence in finding work and reintegrating into society.

 

分析:

第一句话开门见山地给出另外的措施educational opportunities and vocational training,分词结构improving their interpersonal skills相当于which引导的从句,(但是分词结构更受考官的青睐,这种从句与分词之间的转换方法学生不妨可以熟悉一下,不难掌握) 作用是补充说明这个措施的作用。

 

第二句话从犯罪的原因表明这个方法的有效性。句中juvenile offenders(青少年犯罪分子) or first-time offenders(初犯者)是很好的criminal的具体表达方式;同时注意到句中用的是because of而不是because,所以在写句子时要谨慎后面所加的内容。

 

第三句话用词虽然不难,但学生不会表达。学生可能会表达为:if they find work or understand the law, they will not make such mistakes.

最后一句话依然超出了普通学生的接受能力。

 

Paragraph 5:

Overall, I agree that the harsh penalty can deter crime, but it is not the best approach. Through other rehabilitation programs, we can build a happy and stable society.

 

分析:

简简单单的总结,和开头观点相呼应:I agree that the harsh penalty can deter crime= This approach may be effective;But it is not the best approach. Through other rehabilitation programs =but we should also consider other ways to reform offenders.

 

这个总结还可以再具体一点:Overall, I agree that the harsh penalty can make people no longer free, community service and education are also constructive in reducing crimes.

 

三:网络参考范文

网络上的范文有很多是转载而来,出处也无非是官方范文或者参考书,另外一小部分是不同培训机构的老师的个人原创,也有海外学生的文章和个别英语佼佼者,五花八门,眼花缭乱。其中不乏有很好的范文,但也有错误的,学生在参考之前要有初步的筛选。

 

总之,我们不能成为参考范文的被动接受者,而应该加入自己的理解,真正地、彻底地明白为什么会有这样的范文,哪些内容值得借鉴再利用,哪些可以摒弃,自己的思路和范文的差距在哪里。参考的价值就在于甄别的过程,而不是照搬。

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